Who Do You Think You Are?
How do we know who we are? How do we create meaning in our lives?
I read an editorial by Lydia Polgreen last week that stopped me from scrolling. She asks such a clear and simple question, whose answer we take for granted, often to our detriment. Let me set the mood for you:
“How do we know who we are? This may seem like a profound, philosophical question. The exhortation to know yourself is, after all, one of the most famous and ancient utterances in Western civilization. But it is also an interesting question to ask yourself in a more literal sense. Because what we discover, if we are really honest with ourselves, is that most of the time we know who we are because someone told us.”
[You can read the entire piece with this gift link.]We are labeled pre-birth and it builds from there. Parents label each child, “the nice one, the feisty one, the clownish one” and books have been written on birth order and the like to explain (or predict and then justify?) an entire spectrum of personality traits. We all do this; I am not saying it’s bad. As I noticed my rescue dog, Mama Sita, in the early days, stopping every 20 yards on our walks to survey the landscape, I nicknamed her The Inspector. In sharing that with others, I’ve collected evidence of this ‘core aspect’ of her personality. But maybe she was just taking in all the new smells and mapping her new homeland rather than monitoring for action.Labels and categories help us find community as much as they segregate us. They help the brain — which is faced with overwhelming amounts of inputs — cut to the chase, simplify, and file accordingly. Whew! That was a relief, said the limbic system talking to the prefrontal cortex.Too often, when uncovering an unconscious pattern, we label it as bad or dysfunctional. Being aware of my/your labeling system adds to my/your ability to expand our consciousness and make more informed choices about how I/you want to be in the world.So that was a long preamble into the nature of self-awareness, self-understanding, self-acceptance, that asks us to stop listening to who others have told us we are and set out on that search for ourselves.
Who am I? Who are you?
I just love these questions though am typically resigned to not getting very solid answers. It’s a struggle to avoid answering by listing the roles I play: sister, divorced person, writer, artist, nature lover, dog owner. Even though those attributes are true of course. Let’s drop the normal and go for the paranormal.Back in 1993, I started working with a channeler who voiced the non-human group soul who called themselves The Guys. They had a very clear answer to the question:I am the divine incarnate, playing with limits and boundaries, space and time.What I love about that answer is how it merges the metaphysical (divine incarnate, a divine soul embodied here on earth) and the physical/psychological (playing with limits and boundaries, space and time).Playing. Not working, not proving, not earning, not explaining, not defending, not even trying to understand. Just playing. Which strongly implies, I can also play with my identity, try on new ones, reject old ones, and then reclaim old ones I might miss and want back!Can you feel the vast inherent freedom in all that? Can you feel the lightness in not having to know or decide right now just who the heck you are? The question, “Who are you?” can itself be oppressive, full of pointy, pokey energy. I don’t see how that helps.One thing that may help, is psychedelic therapy. It’s quite the rage these days, and this article on Vox explores another bridge being traversed by ’science’ to explain the metaphysical and spiritual experiences from mushrooms, ketamine, etc. “Everything seems profound on psychedelics. Scientists are starting to ask why.” 1In 1972 while in college, I read “The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge” by Carlos Castaneda, published by the University of California Press. (I’m a proud 1974 graduate of UC Berkeley.) It was his Masters Thesis and blurred the lines between anthropology and fiction. Now, decades later, I wonder:Is fiction merely the stuff we haven’t yet proven or experienced for ourselves? Who is to say, absolutely, what is true and what is false? Why do we put so much effort and importance into proving a certain flavor of reality?When my depression resurfaced a few years ago, I did a series of six physician-assisted ketamine sessions. I was reluctant at first, not in fear of the drug as I’ve used most all of them at some point in my life. No, I was worried that doing it in a doctor’s office would be the ultimate buzz kill — the opposite of Mr. Castaneda taking peyote in the deserts of Mexico.Fortunately, I was wrong. The drug was bigger than all that and launched me into one of the many multiverses where I was so large and filled with love that I was floating among the stars, my arms embracing the entire earth. I was fully immersed in a healing hologram, healing my own hurts as I poured my unconditional love over the planet.Am I a healer? I would like to think I’ve helped a person or two to feel better about themselves, yes.I think, this could apply to you as well. Take a moment to glow up from a recent time you extended a kindness to another person.I was on the receiving end of tan act of kindness today. I subscribed to ’s Substack and just today picked up her memoir, The Part That Burns. One of my memoir-writing friends, , suggested this book to me. Without having read a word, I paid for an annual subscription and sent a private note to Jeannine. I love relying on my intuition and I love relying on friends I trust.Within minutes, she replied, and she, too, left a note, that stirred the tears. I felt seen, for who I am, whoever that might be. (Correction inserted from initial post.)Thank you for reading. I’m going to copy another writer I read, . She ends her posts with an invitation to join her readers in the comment section. We have a quiet community here, as my sense is that many of you are not so much “online people.” I respect and accept that. And, perhaps you can join us by sharing something about who you are, and allow us to see you. That would be quite a gift!
Come join me in the comment section!
If you’re looking for ideas, share something about who you or are not, where you’re coming from or where you’re going, what do you more or less of in your life. Leave a note, make a friend.
Postscript Just for Fun:
If you know me, you know I love to dance! So here are two videos from two different songs, both with the refrain, Who do you think you are?First, from the amazing Jean Knight who died last month. Her song is actually titled, Mr. Bigstuff, and is the one I was raised on.The second is by The Spice Girls. I had no idea! It came up in the search and the lyrics are awesome. Here’s a sample to leave you with:Swing it shake it move it make itWho do you think you areTrust it use it prove it groove itShow me how good you areSwing it shake it move it make itWho do you think you areTrust it use it prove it groove itShow how good you are