How to DIY a 24-Hour Silent Retreat
I am a big fan of silent retreats. I think of them as a way to flush up the cobwebs and clutter we aren’t aware are clogging up our thought processes and our emotional regulation. That clutter can also interfere with our ability to move forward in new directions we may be curious about or to step into roles that the monkey mind puts caution tape around. Being in silence, with as few distractions as possible, creates a magical stillness that does the work for us. We just can rest and let the bubbles rise to the surface for our consciousness to take notes.
I’ve written out a checklist here to simplify the process; it’s easy to overlook or forget some of the smaller detail I think you’ll want to address before, rather than during, your silent retreat. I’ve added a PDF of the process for you to save as well so you can print it out without needing to access any screens or digital connections.
DIY 24-Hour Silent Retreat Cheat Sheet
I’ve done many silent retreats, both solo and in group settings, at home and off-site. I love doing them just for myself, as a 24-hour reset. Here’s a step-by-step plan for you to create your own, allowing for as few unexpected interruptions as possible!
SELECT THE PLACE
If you live alone, you can do this at your own home. It may require more discipline to follow the rules. You don’t need nature, but I prefer having some within reach. This can be a yard with a few trees; doesn’t need to be anything extravagant.
Otherwise, find an AirBNB in a supportive nature setting.
If you can, book two nights to get the spot you want and be able to stay a full 24 hours minimum in silence.
Consider if you might have interruptions. If it’s even a remote possibility, make a sign to put on the door (or any potential access points) that says:
”Silent retreat in progress. Please do not disturb. Thank you.”
ADDRESS THE FAMILY AND THE PHONE
Ideally, see if you can all commit to no-contact for the duration of your retreat. If you are concerned about having zero contact, make a communication plan. Let them know you will have all electronics off except for say 1-2 agreed-upon times, when you will turn on your phone — only to see if there’s an urgent message. If there is nothing urgent, ask them not to message or phone you, at all. You can make a trust pact that everything will be AOK. This may be hard for some of you; it’s good practice respecting your autonomy and allowing others to seek their own guidance in your absence.
Turn off all notifications so if you do turn on your phone for a possible family check-in, you won’t see anything else. If there is no message, quickly turn it off again. In the very unlikely chance there is an emergency, well then, please address it.
If you have a spouse or partner: This is your time to recharge. You may certainly offer to reciprocate if they have any interest for themself at a different time. Allow them to have their own reaction. Try not to get into any justification or defensiveness. Hopefully they’ll be supportive and excited for you. You can also do this together, later on. Being in the presence of other humans, experiencing only their energy and not their words or glances or touch, can be a very powerful and enlightening experience.
If you have children: Do take time to speak to each of your them about your desire for this experience and how they can help you with it by respecting your request. Make no promises; you have no idea what will actually happen. Convey your confidence and excitement so they can share it. Maybe they will want to join you someday.
WHAT TO BRING AND NOT BRING
You may take a fresh new journal and pens/pencils; it’s optional. No fancy art-making tools, though. This is for silence and stillness, not inputs or outputs.
Take enough food for sustenance — so no fancy cooking distractions. Fasting is harder; it’s optional and not necessary. Just eat the minimum and drink plenty of water. No alcohol or other drugs except prescription medications.
Take soft and comfortable clothing and a few layers. Ask your body in advance what it would like to have. Have pillows and blankets available so you can indulge your physical comforts.
No books, magazines, games, television, devices, movies or music are allowed. No laptop, either. If you think you might need it for an emergency, leave it in your car; don’t bring it inside your space, even if it is turned off. Remember, no reading. It too is an escape from yourself, the one you’re trying to meet. All the wisdom in the world can be found inside you during this time.
You may not bring any pets. Wonderful as they are, they have needs and are a distraction. If you can’t avoid it, then look into their eyes, tell them you will be silent, and use touch and eye contact to communicate with them during your retreat. There’s a good chance they will understand. Do your best not to vocalize at all.
Bring a box or two of tissues. Tears have corticosteroids in them and crying is one way the body drains itself of stress and long-held frustrations.
WHAT TO DO and NOT TO DO
Listen to the birds, the leaves in the trees, the crickets at night, and any other magical creatures. You may commune with them if you like; just no speaking. They can understand and return any messages to you in silence. That’s normal for them. Lay on the ground; feel the earth supporting you. Watch the clouds go by. Just notice.
You may take walks and stretch; avoid places with people if you can. If there is a risk of being approached, keep an index card on you that says: “I am on a silent retreat and am not speaking. Thank you.” No other strenuous exercise. It bleeds off what you are wanting to build.
Don’t worry if you have trouble sleeping or find yourself sleeping a lot. The first is your mind hanging on or excited to connect with you; the latter is your body finding peace or maybe looking for an escape. All are normal responses; no need to fight them.
No talking out-loud, even to yourself. You are building a container that allows (some say forces) the deeper thoughts and feelings to surface. Curiously, speaking of any kind bleeds off energy that you want to contain for this experience.
Have no expectations. There are no mistakes here.
Call forth your inner surfer and ride the waves.
PLAN FOR YOUR RE-ENTRY
Consider saying to anyone who knows you did this, “I’m not ready to talk about it yet but I will let you know.” Extend that silence container a little bit into regular life; it’s a useful muscle to build and this gives you ‘an excuse’ that’s easier for people to understand and helps them not take your reticence to speak to them, personally.
Try to slow down the natural re-hardening that will occur. Savor the sweetness of your silence. Use your eyes and your hugs to communicate with dear ones. If this feels right, it’s a way of sharing the experience with them, energetically, without having to give away any private details. In time, at least a week or so, you can evaluate what you may want to share and with whom. Or not. You are entitled to keep it all to yourself.
Trust yourself and your experience. The universe is 100% for you, and 0% against you. Weird ideas and sensations may arise; it’s normal.
Consider taking along a mantra that you can repeat in your mind if the going gets tough. One of my favorites is very simple and powerful: I love myself. If you feel the urge to write, consider writing that in your journal. (I learned this from: Love Yourself As If Your Life Depends on It by Kamal Ravikant. It’s a short book and something to consider reading beforehand. Remember, no reading during your retreat!)
REMEMBER TO BREATHE
The breath is the most diverse life force in your body; it can calm you, energize you, clarify you, redirect you.
Here are a few breathing techniques:
Physiological Sighs: Take a long nasal inhale, followed by a quick nasal inhale, then slow exhale through your mouth. This helps you exit the flight response.
Box Breathing: Inhale through your nose for a count of 4, hold for 4, exhale through your mouth for 4, hold for 4. Can be done in counts of 3. This can be helpful in centering your thoughts.
Diaphragmatic Breathing: Inhale deeply and slowly through the nose, expanding the ribs and belly as much as you can, then exhale through the mouth fully emptying your lungs and belly, until you feel the need to inhale again. This belly breathing stimulates the vagus nerve, which sends calming waves throughout the body.
Quiet Breathing: Inhale a soft, quiet breath through your nose, followed by an even softer breath out through your nose. Breathe so lightly that it feels as if you’re hardly breathing at all. This can synchronize with your silence and stillness, allowing you to notice things normally outside of your perception or everyday reality.
Coherent Breathing: Inhale through the nose for six seconds, then exhale through the nose for six seconds, without pausing or closing off the throat. Reset. Just reset.
Note: These techniques can be tapped into anytime, anywhere. Before sleep, in meetings, just anytime you remember.
And that’s it! You are amazing and you can do this. It is both easier and harder than you can imagine, in my experience. We can’t predict what will show up for us. I think you will discover it is distinctly different from an average day being alone.
DOWNLOAD THE 24-HOUR DIY SILENT RETREAT CHEAT SHEET HERE.
Photo by Stefan Bischoff on Unsplash
