Rox 180º Rule
Youth is a fun time; the brain is fertile and eager to be filled with facts and the universe provides in abundance. Intelligence is valued and implemented. All signs point to an amazing future!Until one remembers that something was overlooked, and you have to turn around and walk in the other direction. Suddenly, on this previously one-way street paved with opportunity, there are no signs at all, and life itself is coming at you fast. It’s disorienting and disheartening; self-doubts are reflected in the street-side windows.To avoid being caught off guard like this, I like to use the Rox 180º Rule. Instead of “my way or the highway,” pause and turn around. Look at the world not from the ease of going the right way down a one-way street, but with the curiosity to see what it looks like from the opposite direction. Even when there are those ominous “Do Not Enter” signs. Or, especially so, if we are speaking metaphorically.I am not endorsing driving the wrong way down a one-way street, though I did just that one night in the rain, in 1997 (pre-cell phones) in Florence, Italy. I was trying to get to my hotel with a barely legible paper map, driving a stick shift, after having already crossed the Arno River multiple times trying to find my way! The locals actually could tell I was a tourist and helped me. Having people walking the streets also helps us slow down. (Other people are not always in the way but perhaps there to assist.)Though this act of courage (looking from a different perspective) can puncture some confidence, I guarantee it will make up for the temporary loss of a greater understanding of the landscape at hand. The willingness to turn around and look at a situation, a relationship, a logo design, anything really — pays you back in perspective and understanding. Oddly enough, arriving at Hotel River that dark and rainy night felt like a huge accomplishment!
Going Against the Flow
It is what we fail to do so often though, as irrational exuberance grabs the wheel. And now, we’ve been pummeled with the “go with the flow” advice. I was such an idealistic supporter of social media back in the early aughts. Now, I often find myself walking against the flow, having seen how the amazing tools for connecting humanity can also be used, often more effectively(!), to divide and demean us.So as part of my growing desire for Humanity 2.0, I encourage all of us not to just see the easy-to-navigate one-way routes and to stop every few blocks and walk against the traffic.What is hiding in plain sight that we missed by just following the breadcrumbs laid out in front of us?I recently read a wonderful book that lays out a process for doing this in the workplace and in relationships: Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most, by Douglas Stone, Sheila Heen, & Bruce Patton. It’s no coincidence this is not by a single author! The methodology they present has been developed over the past 15 years at the Harvard Negotiation Project. The link is available at the end.It’s a very elegant model and the book is filled with many relatable real-life scenarios. At the core of the method, though, is being able to look at a difficult situation from the other person’s point of view.
Giving Equal Time to Different Points of View
For years, I spent too much time not looking out from behind my own eyes, my own mind, my own heart. I guessed and imagined how others felt and adapted my behaviors to please them, not myself.Fortunately, I learned that my POV has value and is the most potent place to stand for my own well-being — and to be able to contribute my insights.But this doesn’t preclude stopping and looking from the opposite POV. Participating in life without having to depend on the simplicity (and often narrow-mindedness) of one-way travel builds a special type of confidence muscle. It enhances my orientation for my ‘here and now’, not just something I take for granted. And it builds my empathy skills which today seem to be in short supply.Courage be to she who can know herself clearly and also see others in their transparent state of being.I’m even using the Rox 180º Rule in a logo design project. The first iterations were “fine” but when I reversed the looking and asked questions like “Will this fit and still be readable as an avatar on Instagram?” or “Is there an element of the mark that can be used as a watermark, to extend the brand in subtle use cases?” well, the limitations of the design became obvious. It had a perspective ratio of 2:5 — very wide and not usable for an avatar. So it was back to the drawing board once we identified additional criteria to apply to the design. Mind you, this is for a small nonprofit project with very little budget and depending on the grace of a group of volunteers. I had “assumed” the logo designer we hired would keep these perspective criteria in mind. But alas, she is a designer, not a digital marketer so she is looking at a different set of criteria.We’re still mid-stream but I am confident that despite this bump in the road, we will end up with a more flexible and usable logo. No blame, no real problems. Just a slowing down of the process to be more conscious of the diversity of uses we want for the logo.Though it takes time, there is so much to be gained by seeking out more points of view. We are more confident in our decisions, having been willing to entertain alternatives. And our worldview expands — how cool is that?
Update: Celebrating Ambiguity vs Certainty
“Negative Capability” by Keats - to negate the ego and its anxieties. Which is what happens when you choose to look or travel in the opposite direction of your known world.Friend and reader, Marie Morgan, shared this with me and I meant to include it. So here it is!https://www.instagram.com/reel/CmcQT9iByMK/One more tiny tool for us to feel better together. Thank you for being here and reading. ~ Roxanne
Resources:
I’ve decided to do something mildly radical. Instead of following the SEO overlords and linking directly to the reference, I’ve decided to add the links at the end. I’m thinking there’s too much “interruption writing” with these little ‘link lures’ tempting you to leave the paragraph and chase another article. Of course, I used to find that really useful! But let’s play with one thought at a time and give the footnotes at the end, as one small way to rebuild our focus and reading skills. Is that OK with you? Let me know.Difficult Conversations at books.orgPhoto Credit: Marcial Bollinger on Unsplash