Bring All of You to Consciousness
Note to Readers:I wrote this piece as an ebook back in 2013. I think it holds up and adds to our many recent discussions about the nuts and bolts of raising consciousness. If you’d like to save a pretty PDF version, you can download The Three Yous here.
The Three Yous
This is a little handbook about a big topic: Consciousness. You could also say it’s a framework for finding your authentic power as a human being. It can apply to anything: relationships, career, parenting, creativity, problem-solving, personal growth.20 years ago I had a profound experience. In the first session of a divorce mediation, I quickly crumpled into a frightened, crying puddle of confusion. Afterward, a friend shared with me a simple technique that allowed me to become a focused, grounded, respectful negotiator. The divorce got done in a few more sessions.I discovered there were three aspects of me and the least powerful of those “me’s” had ofsten been running my life. Once I understood the mechanics of how these three me’s interact, I moved into an entirely new experience qof what it means to be a spirit being having a human experience. That became a literal reality, not an abstract concept. My relationship to success and suffering has changed enormously. In a nutshell, I discovered the source of my power.Several months ago while swimming, I felt the longing of others like you calling me for this information. So I wrote this to share a tool I love in case it helps you find your power too. Let’s start. We have the rest of our lives to tease it apart.
Who Are the Three Yous?
There is Kid You, Adult You, and Soul You. They co-exist and co-mingle to create your human experience. Soul You is ultimately the decision-maker. Your soul has a plan: it chose to come here and have your set of experiences. If something is meant to happen, you can’t stop it. Likewise, if something is not on your soul’s agenda, nothing you do can make it happen. The trick is, human you is often not aware of your soul’s agenda. By “you,” I mean most of us, including me! I’m intentionally using the “you” pronoun to give Adult You the most direct download of this information as I can.Adult You is best at managing your day-to-day life in the here and now. Kid You may disagree. By learning to consciously sort Adult thoughts and feelings from Kid thoughts and feelings, you can learn to co-create with Soul You.
Kid You
Kid You is the state of mind and emotions that were frozen in time from when you were young. It’s the you from way back when, sometimes occupying your present day consciousness. It’s the sum of beliefs you formed before you grew up, physiologically and neurologically speaking, and before you explored the world beyond your own backyard, your own family. You might say it is you who is here and then. These facts may seem obvious or familiar. It’s when you let the impact of the kid’s absence of power weigh in that you understand how much this can change your life.Aspects of Kid You:
- Knows you have no essential power. (Could not leave when you were little; you were stuck.)
- Focused on Safety, Security, and Survival. (As a child, you literally were dependent on the good will of others for survival. Your thoughts and feelings formed from this reality, and were anchored in and by your limited physiology and neurology.)
- Does not understand context. (To a kid, things must be over-simplified, black and white, all or nothing because you weren’t capable of processing more than a few things at a time.)
- Runs your life when Adult You is absent. (Can take charge of your mind, heart, and body in the snap of a finger because s/he had to in order to survive. You are likely not aware of how much “kid thinking” occupies your everyday consciousness.)
How dependent do you feel on others? Not just for survival, but for pleasure, inspiration, adventure, a paycheck? How expansive is your tool chest and how easily do you add new tools? Once the kid’s core survival beliefs get wired in, they tend to reinforce themselves throughout your life – until you claim your Adult authority. Then, your power begins to reveal itself to you.
Adult You
18 and over is the general basis for Adult You, though some younger people are fully formed adults, energetically speaking. There are limitations of youth, based on biology, psychology, and neurology. It’s the nature of human development, with many variations and exceptions. Haha, just getting older doesn’t mean you automatically get wiser or more mature, psychologically or spiritually speaking.You also have an external physical and energetic reality. Adult You can learn to use speed bumps to explore the Soul’s agenda. Or not. Because you are safe, as the Divine, Adult You is not bound by others’ rules. Adult You can deal with the consequences of your actions. Adult you is free to be you with all your so-called shortcomings.So part of claiming this enormous adult power is, ironically, to accept that you are limited. Your soul chose to come into life as a human being, to live within the pretend confines of body and mind in the context of a physical reality. You get to experience what could be called the magical mystery of limits and boundaries!Aspects of Adult You
- Capable of responding to life events. (Understands your authority and has the power to act, along with the capacity to do so – unless incarcerated or incapacitated. Can call on Soul You for support and soothing.)
- Understands your subjectivity reality. (Gives up seeing the world through others’ eyes. Explains to the Kid how this is the task of every Adult.)
- Accepts the diversity of humanity. (Helps navigate the truth that perfectly reasonable people disagree about everything; allows you to be more curious, less critical.)
Until Adult You is in charge, Kid You will be running your life as best s/he can. It may feel like an emotional roller coaster at times. You may fall back on your defensive beliefs, you may find yourself unwilling to entertain new ideas, and you may continue to go along to get along. It’s OK. There is no moral imperative to change.But deeper inside you may want more. You may want to experience more joy, more freedom, more You – not satisfied with random crumbs. I know this because you are here now. You’ve been drawn here by your desire to discover these possibilities.
Soul You
Soul You is the aspect of yourself you may be pretending to have forgotten - like a lost memory that you can choose to regain. It is a fully formed speck of the entire universal field of intelligence. Soul You has your back, 100%, and the Universe has your Soul’s back, 100%. So the Universe is 100% for you and 0% against you. Soul You is your divine nature, reminding you that you are safe. No matter what is swirling, Soul You made a decision to be here. To Soul You, there are no good or bad days.Aspects of Soul You:
- Unlimited in space and time, not limited to physical reality.
- Connected to, and part of, all that is, in this Universe.
- Exists formless in perpetuity, where there is no space or time.
- Is ever present, even when Adult You or Kid You is not remembering.
After you discover The Three Yous, you may continue to experience emotional ups and downs. Knowing Soul You has your back, though, you can weather any storm with a measure of grace and curiosity, or not. It is your Adult choice.
A Little More About Power
The amount of power you have as an Adult is all the power you need. Knowing your soul has your back, is all the information you need. Not just to survive, but to thrive. This means you can let go of having to control and understand every detail of life. It means you can choose to immerse yourself in the Now (and stay out of the future), as the Soul’s agenda unfolds. You are never alone.The Three Yous co-mingle in this part-physical, part-energetic reality of mind, emotions, and body. There is, additionally, a distinct hierarchy of power. Spirit rules the mind, mind rules the emotions, emotions rule the body. Your body is both the end of the line for all that gets experienced and it is also the vehicle by which you literally move through life. Your mind is your human focal center; I use it to make sense of my Soul’s agenda. It can also soothe your emotions and guide your actions; it’s your choice.Finding your power is like pulling back a curtain to realize you are not just in the audience but also on stage. You can be both actor and observer at the same time. If you have functional life skills, empowering Adult You can be a jetpack into a new realm of freedom, productivity, and creativity. If you are barely scraping by, empowering Adult You can alleviate your feeling controlled by others or by life itself. You can do this, without requiring anyone or anything else to change. Imagine that!Tools I Use: Conversation and LanguageRemember my divorce mediation 20 years ago? I never actually told you how I went from puddle of confusion to competent negotiator. Before the second session, I sat in my car and talked to Kid Me. I told her divorce negotiations were for adults. I told her she was staying in the car, I could handle this, and would let her know how it went – afterwards. I assured her she was too little to help inside, so play outside.The difference in me was shocking, to me and my ex as well! A week before, I was overwhelmed and confused. Now there were just details to discuss. Just by claiming Adult Me, I became grounded, clear, confident, powerful. I had acquired no more facts and no more experience. I had simply tapped into a source of power I didn’t know existed: Adult Me.Yes, I felt silly talking to myself this way. But I had nothing to lose, based on the first mediation. Now I talk to my Kid several times a day. And my Soul too.I also use language to help discern Kid from Adult. Take the word “need” for example. I reserve it for things critical to my survival – true human needs. I need to get out of a burning house but I don’t need that report today – I want it! Need conveys urgency and pressure that to Kid Me feels like life or death. Avoiding the word, I experience less stress and can troubleshoot problems faster and easier. Plus, I’m not dumping my stress onto others.So this is The Three Yous. It’s a simple concept, if not always easy to implement. But its power is indisputable. Enjoy! And thank you for being here.Let’s feel better together!
Ideas for the Comments Section:
- How do you manage your inner child, aka Kid You? (I try to minimize her fears and anger by talking to her, literally, in my head or by writing. I question her recommendations; most are not helpful.)
- How often do you discern your kid thoughts from your adult thoughts? Do you find it helpful? (I do it many times a day!)
- How do you engage Soul You? (I like to do ‘automatic writing’ where I start off as me, stating my concerns, then I draw a line on the page, and ask my Soul to speak. It’s quite amazing what new ideas surface!)