Not Feeling Well?
Whew. Let’s start with a reminder that I post weekly here under the guidance of “Let’s Feel Better Together.” When times are tough, we can turn to each other for comfort, understanding, reminders, and just plain energy.I’ve been doing some writing on narcissism in my memoir project and came across some ideas re: a spectrum between narcissism and empathy as if there were opposites. To me, they are not, as I experience an abundance of both in my personal life. Plus, I’ve spent the last 20 years re-claiming language. We depend on words to communicate ideas and emotions and yet so often, and especially now that there is so much typing online, words can become shortcuts, unfairly so.Empathy is not all good. Narcissism is not all bad. Consciousness in some ways is the ability to slow down and be more specific about what we are saying and why.But I digress. Slightly. As I want to share some reminders for caring for ourselves in this post. I’m using my empathic nature to suggest you rely on your inner narcissist to center yourself for self-care if it feels like you might be slipping down any black holes in your life. As I do, from time to time myself. In fact, I once spent 30 days in a psychiatric hospital for suicidal depression. So these self-care habits I’ve developed and continue to use regularly are essential to my staying here on planet earth.So here are some lists to consider. Don’t even think about doing it all! But maybe one or two things will tickle your fancy and you will remember that you have agency, you have power, and you have choices in the here and now to choose how you want to manage your energy, manage yourself. I suspect much of this may not be new to you, but I am going to poke a little and ask, How much do you implement these techniques? Can you be more proactive on your own behalf? What will it take to improve self-care?Spiritual teacher Carolyn Myss once challenged an audience, and I paraphrase:So, you want to achieve spiritual ascendance but you can’t resist a chocolate bar?When we are uncomfortable in physical reality, there can be an urge to escape or do a “spiritual bypass.” When in fact, we are here having human experiences, playing with limits and boundaries, space and time. In other words, playing with physical reality. So let’s use physical reality to feel better.Shall we get started?
If you’re not feeling well physically:
Rest
It’s a superpower so easily neglected. This can be in the form of naps, going to bed earlier, sleeping in a little later or just staying in bed a little later. If you have trouble sleeping, do something about that. A warm bath before bedtime, turning off the screens, and playing white noise or meditation music to fall asleep ( I love the Insight Timer app). Then, there are sleep aids. I was a lifelong serious insomniac until I got my medical marijuana card. I take 5-8 mg of THC gummy about 90 minutes before bedtime, and I sleep so well. Which means I wake up clear and rested. I’ve also used CBD PM by CBDMD, which is only CBD and available over the counter. Of course, none of this is medical advice, but you know that.
Exercise
This is the opposite twin to rest. The body has over 650 skeletal muscles. Wanna know why? So we can move. Movement produces a cascade of positive effects: more oxygen in the bloodstream which means clearer thoughts in the brain, endorphins are released, stress is minimized, oh, and calories are burned! Study after study shows exercise can beat low-grade depression. The problem is, when you feel depressed, your mind will not allow you to exercise. This can sometimes be the inner kid voice (see last week’s post) but the adult voice can override this and take action. Reading things like this can help. So do sticky notes to remind you. So does setting up rewards for minutes of movement. So does having a walking buddy. See, there really are no excuses that can’t be overcome. It may take brute discipline, but I know you have some of that inside you. Not to mention, all the rewards that come from Doing the Hard Stuff.1
Forest Bathing - Shinrin-yoku
Being in nature requires getting out of the chair and heading outside. The benefits are voluminous. If you haven’t heard of this or want a reminder, read more here.2
These studies have confirmed that spending time within a forest setting can reduce psychological stress, depressive symptoms, and hostility, while at the same time improving sleep and increasing both vigor and a feeling of liveliness. These subjective changes match up nicely with objective results reported in nearly a dozen studies involving 24 forests–lower levels of cortisol and lower blood pressure and pulse rate. In addition, studies showed increased heart rate variability, which is a good thing because it means the circulatory system can to respond well to stress and can detect a dominance of the “calming” branch of the nervous system (the parasympathetic nervous system).
Can you see we are slipping into the mental realm? Of course, we are as the mind and body are connected and in constant communication. So, you can start anywhere, and all systems can benefit. It’s one more worrisome thing to take off your list.
If you’re not feeling well mentally:
Write
Artist Julia Cameron has nailed this one, in her development of the concept of Morning Pages. You can do them anytime, though starting a morning habit is a powerful way to start your day. Write three pages and let it all out. Then get on with your life. Push it a little and write to your soul — you may be amazed at what you learn! Stuff comes out of us that we were not conscious of, but it’s in there waiting and wanting to help.
Phone a friend
This is helpful regardless of whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert. Really! Having another person’s energy in your field shifts something, and frequently raises the vibe. If nothing else, it breaks the cycle of your ruminating mind chewing on things over and over.3
Watch an inspirational movie
In fact, there’s a whole Substack newsletter that creates movie lists. Here’s the section for Movie Therapy.4
If you’re not feeling well emotionally
Break the energy
Energy just gets stuck sometimes; it’s no one’s fault and I don’t often find explanations for it. When the feelings’ meter is bottoming out, you have several opposite choices. If one doesn’t work, you can try another. So, try moving — literally expending energy to shake it up. Go to another room. Gaze at something that brings you joy. Buy some flowers and let them raise the vibe for you. Cry really hard for 15 minutes. Are you watching the Apple TV show, Shrinking? It’s a dramedy about therapy and emotional/mental health. The therapist played by Harrison Ford sets a timer for 15 minutes and lets it all bubble up. Then, bing, when the timer goes off, it’s an audio signal to get back to life again. I think of it as rebooting the computer. Sometimes we just need a restart.Please feel free to print any of this out to have it handy. The kid mind wants to keep these tips away from you; she/he finds satisfaction sitting on the pity pot. But you and I are here for something more profound!Let’s feel better together.Love, Rox