The Power and Freedom of Self-Acceptance
A few caveats to start this post:
I love how ideas come to us in the car, the shower, while walking — in other words, when not in front of a screen. It takes effort to capture them, or, hope they come back around later, if relevant. These little snippets of effort are consciousness building blocks. It’s easy to think something more grand and grandiose is necessary, when, it’s merely more fun. And perhaps more expensive. I’m thinking about workshops right now. Do both if you want and can; but the little steps are your best friends and all they ask is a little attention to detail.
Some topics have been written about over and over again, and yet! I find the reminders so valuable as they land differently in my mind-body-heart complex each time. It reminds me of making a finger-print scan on my Mac computer: it takes several presses of the finger to fill in the full print, from different angles, repeating the process. And somewhat irritatingly now, a scan will stop working so I make a fresh new one. Maybe all the gardening I’m doing is wearing down my superficial skin?
Self-Acceptance is an abstract concept but to build it requires tangible, Specific Actions. It’s why the Nike slogan “Just do it” is so much more powerful than this version we often otherwise employ: “Just think about it.”
Yeah, thoughts are powerful but they pale compared to actions.
What If We Stopped Judging Ourselves Harshly?
Today’s ideas follow my previous post:
It’s part of my continuing quest for emboldened and shared self-acceptance. At my wise age of 70, I’ve come to believe self-acceptance is the “source” super power that’s available to all of us and from which flows all other super powers. Of course, as soon as I write that I am aware of many talented humans who lived with extreme self-doubt and yet produced stunning works of art and creativity. (See John Steinbeck, George Elliott, Michelangelo (Do read The Agony and the Ecstasy!), and Van Gogh, of course.1
There’s not enough “pollyanna energy” in the universe to pretend we can make self-criticism go away. But that’s no reason to surrender, now is it?
One of my favorite concepts I learned from channeled entities many years ago is this definition of our human experience:
We are the divine incarnate playing with limits and boundaries, space and time.
They went further to state that while the attraction to “ascension” beyond the limits of human form is understandable — it’s calling to us from whence we came and to which we will return — the point of human existence is to explore limits and boundaries, to play with them, to examine them and not to avoid them or assume they are ‘bad’ in any way.
Many of these limits and boundaries appear in our lives as self-judgments we make, as if criticism ever feels good or accomplishes much. I’ve done personal inventories where I take a day and a notebook and capture a running list of what my inner critic thinks is “wrong” with me. She’s incredibly observant! That girl knows how to pay attention!. The few times I’ve shared some of these on social media, I’ve gotten a truth check, that others do not see the flaws that sit a top my monkey mind’s inventory.
For me, at the moment, the biggest problem here is the amount of time and energy that is wasted on the self-criticism. Especially, the things I can’t control. For example, I had cancer on my nose last year that incurred 16 stitches. It was removed by a plastic surgeon, so the sewn-up result was pretty decent. Nonetheless, there sits the scar and the indentation, right smack in the middle of my face. I could get more plastic surgery but I’d rather use my time and money elsewhere.
So “playing with the limits and boundaries” of a slightly deformed nose, can become a game rather than a flaw. I find it funny that virtually no one mentions it, though many in my life have mentioned the scar on my chest from a large mole removal surgery when I was a child. I started playing with that long ago, telling people it was a brand I received from joining a motorcycle gang. “Really?!?” they asked with astonishment. “Nah” I would add, “Just kidding.” (And for a moment, enjoying their thinking that straitlaced me might have been in a biker gang… Alter egos FTW!) Have a look at the top photo on this post and play, “Find her scars!” Hat Tip: there are more than the two I’ve mentioned.
I’ve had days, sad to admit, when the majority of my thoughts were self-critical. These were not happy or productive days, more like mental illness days. I’ve made a commitment to calling myself out when the put-downs start rolling in. I delightfully and literally talk back to myself! Here are some of my retorts:
Really? What if that’s what is right with me, not wrong with me? Life can work that way. You know, by taking my individuality and using it to support me. Who needs to fit in these days?
Thanks for sharing, but I’m not interested in criticism right now. So, you can STFU, thank you very much.
That’s odd; because there’s nothing I can do about that right now so I’m not spending any time on it.
When I say literally, I mean that. I have these conversations in my head all the time. I believe we are all having conversations. Not stopping to notice them means accepting these negative ideas about ourselves as truths, rather than the mucky fears they represent. I’ve done this observation and talk back process for decades — in my experience the criticisms diminish but do not disappear. So, since it’s a given, I play, and then I play some more.
How fast can I notice and interrupt?
How soon can I return to a state of creativity, productivity, and/or rest?
How few can I have today?
From the metaphysical point of view, the view where we are all safe and we all will die, I hope you’ll join me in agreeing than none of these self-criticisms matter. Life is one game after another; people switching up roles and changing rules. You get to choose how to play with your limits and boundaries, your space and your time.
Let’s feel better together, as a rising tide floats all boats! And if you got a “vibe up” from this post, I hope you’ll share it with your friends. Let’s get that tide rising more and more.
Love, Rox