Babyʻs First Birthday!
No doubt about it, I am in awe of having written a weekly post for one full year. I started off wanting to develop a public writing habit and had no idea if I’d be able to come up with something to say, week after week. With 52 weeks in the can, on the page, off my computer, I can say that life has delivered for me! And for you, too! I’ve learned over the year that what excites me to write is observing the little things in life that can make a difference in one’s day to day experiences of joy and self-acceptance. It’s one part ABL (always be learning) + one part L&L (listening and looking) and one part of the big D (discipline).
Yes, there were many Mondays I wasn’t in the mood; I was in fact in the anti-mood, meaning, I was depressed or pissed off and not interested in coming up with something entertaining or inspiring. (Those ‘why bother’ ghosts are persistent.) And while I did miss a week out of pure forgetfulness combined with being away from home and routine (OK, so I was in Hawai‘i for a friend’s high school graduation — be as mad as you want!) I managed to stick to it all year long.
I am proud of myself.
A year ago, I wouldn’t have bothered saying that out loud: it’s too braggadocio, it doesn’t matter to the readers, pride is a goofy feeling, etc. That monkey mind which I write about often has joined me on this journey and I’ve come to learn there is so much value in calling her out. We all have this nagging and critical persona. They have way less power over us if we pause now and then to hear their haunts in the land of our hearts and dreams, expressly so we can say, “Nope!” You are not taking my joy, or my pride, or my genuine accomplishment away from me!
Tell me, have you committed to something for a full year and stayed with it? I’ve committed to other things and often failed. I did miserably on the 365 day selfie thing back in the day. It’s easy to get bored with oneself.
But each week, I feel a commitment to show up for you. And though I have very few paying readers (thank you!), the sheer experience of getting a new free subscriber gives me a boost. We humans are energy machines; that energy is flowing back and forth among us with barely a mention. It seems easier to notice those who drain our energy; but this project has been the opposite. It’s now about the excitement I have that someone may actually be reading my thoughts, sharing this consciousness journey full of mountains and valleys, hot and cold, sunshine sparkles and dark nights of the soul.
Is money an incentive? Partially, yes. I’m a Capricorn and as an earth sign known for being ruled by Saturn and driven by a robust sense of responsibility, I cannot escape the “contractual” bits of having a weekly Substack newsletter. Even though it is 100% my choice what to offer. It’s not that I “owe” it to you; it’s that you’ve put your trust and a few dollars each month in my hands and I want to honor you.
I also have deliberately not crafted some sort of gamed trickery to compel people to pay. I want people to pay if it feels good, not because you will have FOMO if you don’t pay. I don’t want people to pay out of guilt — I think we can agree there’s enough of that. Many writers want to lay out how hard all this is, how much we do it for you. They think money equals love. (Oh, I want to write about that!) But that’s not really true. We all started these newsletters because we wanted to! You don’t owe us anything. Your attention and your sharing and your financial support are all amazing gifts, not debts to be paid off.
Writers gotta write — we’ll be doing this regardless of how you respond. But let me tell you very clearly, when you do respond, with a like, a comment, a share, or a paid subscription, it is incredibly validating! My spirit soars! Once again, life is worth living. All that time spent staring at a blank page and thinking/feeling I have nothing worthwhile to say is washed out to sea for at least one tidal cycle. So thank you, so much, for being here with me as we attempt this simple goal: Let’s feel better together.
It’s a Logo
A few weeks ago I promised you a logo! But I couldn’t decide on the final iteration so I’d love it if you would weigh in with your opinion. It’s a simple concept I came up with, a circle with little dots to represent the hologram we share and the vibrating energy that dances around us. I’ll show you the four versions and then end with a poll to see what the consensus is. The poll is open for 3 days. I’ll report back to you next week!
Before I sign off, this is is Thanksgiving week in the U.S. I know you readers are frequent travelers on the gratitude bus, so I’ll share the oddball form I’m practicing this week: letting go of grudges and resentments. It’s related to being thankful, but perhaps a bit more difficult. When I notice I’m getting cranky and not feeling the love, it’s often because I feel hurt, dismissed, ignored, unappreciated, and so forth. This is a waste of time, but, it’s hard to notice it because the justification can feel so righteous! Still, despite all the rationalizations, it just does not feel good to me to hold grudges. So this week I’m actively seeking them out just so I can drop them. Maybe you’ll want to join me and let this winter light turn on some kindness and letting go-ness.
Thank you for being such a beautiful and thoughtful community of humans. I appreciate you.
Love, Rox