Asking For Help Won't Kill You
Of course, you’ve been thinking: what’s the silver lining here? Breaking my wrist, getting surgery, being unable to use my dominant hand — all have led to countless interruptions in my normal daily life. Those of us on the consciousness–raising train, know that these are the precise moments in life where a portal is opened and insights can flood through. Because, ha ha, a lot of those doors I use every day are temporarily closed. I cannot open the refrigerator. I cannot drive my car. I cannot type with both hands.But indeed, a new world opened up for me. My intuition is suggesting that using my non-dominant hand for major tasks all day every day, is subtly yet directly rewiring the matrix of my mindbody complex. It’s not so much about the superficial opportunity to become slightly more ambidextrous.It is about taking away a certain type of dominance and replacing it with a certain type of receptiveness. Sure, much of it feels like weakness and frustration, I will not deny that. I do have this sense, though, that I am cultivating a new field or perhaps the same field but at a different depth, or perhaps tilling east to west instead of north to south, or something even more vague that I can’t quite describe in this moment.The biggest gift I’ve received from the mother of necessity is learning to embrace asking for help. Many of us who are generous givers, and/or who think of themselves as far more self-reliant than helpless, dread the task of asking others for help. Nonsensically, even some of those people who take take take from others with wild abandon, would not consider directly asking for help even though they gladly receive it with hardly a second thought.I’ve enjoyed helping others for most of my life; it genuinely gives me pleasure most of the time. So you could say I’ve built up a nice bank account on which to attempt to make a few withdrawals. But even if you haven't, you are still entitled to ask for help! It instantly changes the energy in a human to human interaction. New rules apply. Everyone's off guard for a minute or two. The universe vibrates with excited new possibilities.One of the first things I did, was reach out to my former partner to help me with my surgery logistics and caring for my dog who adores him. Next I asked my neighbor, a former hairstylist, if she would come and cut my hair because I had no way to use a brush and a blow dryer. She was at my house in less than 30 minutes! She brought her scissors, her cape, a bottle of wine, and a French tea towel with inspiring messages on it! And she refused to take any payment from me.Asked several of my neighbors to drive me to and from doctor appointments, and they’ve all literally jumped at the chance, wanting first dibs. Others have picked up groceries for me and still others have cared for my dog when I’ve had to be away for several hours for medical care. The sum total has been that not only have I been helpless, I’ve also been lavished with kindness.The secret that I discovered, that I really am excited to share with you, is that contrary to how it might look on the surface, I have not at all felt like a victim. I’ve actually discovered a hidden reservoir of agency inside myself, as I get to choose the time and place and person for my requests. Several of my darling friends wanted to do more for me then I was ready to accept. I do value my privacy and I do value my independence. It was like a game for me, to see how much I could do, with my limited capacity. This became more fun for me, because I knew that I had an incredible back up team.So asking for help is not in fact a near death experience! (I know it can feel that way...) I’m using it as a time and place to explore grace and the myriad ways we can support each other. Of course I’m not going to wish a broken bone on any of you dear readers, but I do hope that the next time you are facing an unexpected inconvenience, that you will see it as an opportunity to become more of who you truly are by reaching out for the support you desire.
About Those Quotes:
Last week I asked you to submit some quotes. I’d like to thank my friend Tracy Wright Corvo, who submitted these two gems, one of her own, and one of her favorites from Rick Rubin, whose recent book on creativity is getting so much love. It's not too late! In fact, I'd love to receive and share your quotes all year long.
And here’s one I thought of this week: