Making Sense of the Suffering
Like so many things, it may get down to math.
As I've navigated the disruption of my broken dominant wrist these past two months, I've had to "mood check" myself repeatedly against so many of the platitudes and preferences that guide me day to day. So many belief systems are designed for sunny days; can they hold up when storms appear?My most common companion has been suffering:
the slowness of my ability to accomplish daily tasks
the frustration of being uncoordinated and limited in mobility
the total lack of certain things I just cannot do at all
and of course the physical pain itself.
I've been unsettled though as I instantly and repeatedly tell myself, "But all this is nothing compared to Ukraine and Gaza, to the migrants traveling thousands of miles on foot in hopes of a better life, the children who work now in American factories processing our meats." Of course I could go on! I don't think it's useful to ignore our own sufferings; there is no need to wear the cape of a super-person who doesn't have feelings, who doesn't experience human foibles, who can pretend that we do sometimes run into limits and boundaries that are incredibly frustrating!I had more acceptance than understanding, though, until this weekend, when I realized this is a math problem. The error is not in pretending we shouldn't be suffering just because others are suffering more. That is like comparing apples to tires. No, the error is thinking we are on the same spectrum, when in fact we are in parallel universes of sorts.If "x" is suffering, then 10 x is a lot of suffering. But we each have our own X. Each life is unique and specific and comparisons are limited in veracity and utility.My 10X and your 10X are unrelated. It's useful to know the level of one's suffering, as that dictates what, how, and when to address it. But it's impossible to compare them as each circumstance is different. It’s another way of saying that it serves us to put things in context as nothing exists in a vacuum. Nothing is absolute. We live and die along endless spectrums of experience and meaning.I think about President Zelenskyy, and how he has lived with managing a war these past two years. It is a miracle of the human species, that we can survive and even thrive under such high pressure and threatening conditions. We could make a larger chart where I grant that his baseline is far more than mine — absolutely. And it is this recognition that allows me to send my moments of comfort outward, that someone might be able to sense the harmony and positivity, in the same way we can read a bit of news and pick up the negativity.All of which is to say, when we are feeling down, in pain, overly frustrated — it's not the time to be hard on ourselves just because others have it "harder." I prefer to think it's a measure on out personal spectrum that deserves respect and compassion. And hopefully, one day, something we can make light of. I've lived with the belief during hard times, "If I can live through this, it will make a great story!"
This is one of those ideas in process I'm working on, how to balance the extreme suffering in our world with our personal challenges that can, in the moment, feel so insurmountable! It's not about abandoning oneself but instead, creating a personal metric while holding space for others' metrics, too. My 10x is not going to equal Mr. Zelensky's 10x by most accounts. But that is not the point. The point is to know when we each are reaching our breaking point and getting help to come back from the ledge.Image Credit: Photo by Mediamodifier on Unsplash