Sisyphus and Beginner’s Mind
I have this background operating belief that we are spirit beings here by choice, to play with form: limits and boundaries, space and time, things that do not exist ‘out there’ in the limitless state of the cosmos. We come from a place nearly impossible to imagine, so we speculate. And we play. And we frustrate. And we repeat, day after day.The marketers figured this out a long time ago, learning that people need numerous impressions of a message before it breaks through the noise in their heads, then many more impressions to start building an understanding, then on to an emotional connection. The Fox News ecosystem has perfected this and we see the pollution of minds across not just the USA but globally as disinformation is repeated virtually nonstop, in easy to regurgitate pithy phrases.But I am here today for my own personal work, as I believe this is where all change comes from. And if consciousness is my game of choice, then I play it whenever and wherever I can.I have walked several career paths over my life: marine biologist, ballet dancer, mindbody practitioner (and first to include it in aerobic dance), public speaker, health and fitness coach, technology marketer, and now artist. I've won awards and excelled in all of these pursuits – the side effect of being a perfectionist! But I also love to go deep into anything I commit myself to.There is this predictable process starting something new: feeling and truly being awkward which is like a giant blender with the whirling and twirling mixing paddles that stir up the dregs of self-doubt, imposter syndrome, and 'why bother' memes that had settled to the bottom as I achieved success previously. No matter how much those gremlins were tamed in previous careers, when I start a new one they are all back, fresh, renewed, ready for battle.So I start anew, not just with self-talk, but with self-action because one powerful thing I’ve learned is that action is essential. Doing accomplishes more than thinking and feeling. Thinking and feeling are the engine starters, but not the drive train. If I want to get somewhere new, I have to take literal steps to get there beyond mapping it out.Which is why I love the concept of embodiment. It feels good to say it and to see it and to feel it, as it literally stirs my cells on the energetic level. I was having these thoughts on a webinar the other day, where the host was guiding us through the vulnerability patterns we adopt from childhood traumas. I used to think, “Oh yeah! I have solved that one and that one.”
Until I start something new.
What I am realizing more fully — and that seems blindingly obvious now in hindsight — is that each new foray or forum is a new game, one where the gremlins haven’t yet been tamed. So like Sisyphus, I start pushing that ball up the hill and building my consciousness muscles yet again, on a new mountain, with new views, new twists and turns, but with the larger muscles I’ve developed from past experiences aka career paths.I would hope that my confidence was 100% transferable. So far it isn’t but it IS over 50%, for which I am grateful. So now as I am well on my way being an artist, I'm telling my monkey mind that it’s essential I take those baby steps again, learning how to be comfortable in my own skin as a creative person making works I want others to enjoy and benefit from.It is not demeaning to me (or for me) to do things I’ve done many times before, but in this new arena. It is not going backwards, it is walking my steps in a new place and time. This is what Zen Buddhists offer us: the Beginner’s Mind. We can embrace the empty cup of knowing how it all work, and figure it out once again in this new time and space. I love the excitement of the unknown; so often in my life I've been drawn so passionately to things I have not mastered. This happens distinctly in my body, wanting to excel at something new and challenging, and happy to tap into my mind and my heart to walk these new paths.The monkey mind works overtime to demean us from the inside out. But let's assume Sisyphus enjoys the fresh views on each new hill, as we embrace being a beginner over and over again.Thank you to the Summer Solstice as you too infused inspiration here for me and for us. May your summer be filled with the games of your choice and may your skills be honed to enjoy the harvest.